A Thank You to Karl Rove

Dear Turd Blossom,

I'd like to give personal thanks to you for your service to the American people. Your single-mindedness and hubris have been inspirational.

Since your days at the U of Utah, you have worked tirelessly to promote the Republican agenda. Even when you dropped out, it was to go to work for the College Republicans. You stuck-it-to-the-man by dodging the draft, saying you were in college, but weren't. Brilliant. And I'm awestruck that you avoided Watergate investigators after your boss and mentor Donald Segretti went down, then documentation that your trainings for campaign workers included breaking in to Democratic HQ's and "going through the garbage."

Of course, you met the Bush family through your coup of the College Republicans and later went to work in God's favorite state. You worked for James Baker then helped Bill Clements become the first Republican governor of Texas in over 100 years! You formed your own political consulting company specializing in direct mailing. One of your first clients: none other than Phil Gramm, then a Democrat, later a Republican. (Did you have anything to do with that?)

You were the architect of innumerable campaigns, primarily in Texas. You handled everybody who was anybody from Clements and Gramm to John Ashcroft to ... wait for it ... George W. Bush! Yee-hah! I won't even go into all the detail of your Bush campaigns, everybody knows of your sage leadership.

Then you left the campaign-world to become a part of the policy-world. A first of it's kind! As the Senior Adviser to the President, your true talents really came to light. You were able to do everything from increase the terror alert level whenever a political opponent gained ground, to helping form the White House Iraq Group with Dick Cheney. Your ability to influence policy for partisan reasons was unheard of. How ridiculous were all those left-wing-radicals who had the audacity to question your motives in creating and pushing policy agendas? I mean, duh. You were trying to make the world a safer place -- for Republicans!

You successfully put Joseph Wilson in his place by leaking the name of his wife, Valerie Plame, a CIA operative, to the press. (That really showed that yahoo in the Reagan campaign who fired you for leaking information to the press.) Of course you remember when the Families of September 11 said, "stop trying to reap political gain in the tragic misfortune of others," criticizing your comment,

Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers.

So you put them in their place by having W state it was "somewhat puzzling" because you simply pointed out "differences in philosophy." How do you do it?

And one more thing. No matter what, you never apologize. Never. In fact, you put responsibility on others. I mean, the election of 2006: how could that be your fault? That was totally because of the leftist mainstream media harping on the Mark Foley and Jack Abramoff stories.

And now, as the Bush Administration's time winds down and his approval ratings are the lowest of any president ever, your defiance of the lefties is a real inspiration. I just want to tell you that your moxie, your drive, your denial of the obvious, show all of us what real leadership is.

Thank you Mr. Blossom. Thank you.